No more waiting

30 May

Deep breath……… here is the news that you have been waiting for.  The decision is made, wheels have finally been set in motion and I am now in a position to go public.

I have handed in my resignation and I have given notice to my landlady on my flat. I have begun a course of travel jabs and some legs of my adventure are already booked.

Within four weeks I will be leaving a permanent, secure job that I enjoy, and just two weeks later I will move out of a home where I have been safe and happy.  Just three days after that I shall be on board a Eurostar bound for Paris.

This is an emotional roller coaster.  I am excited beyond belief as this is what I have been leading up to for so long, I am nervous about the experiences that I know are around the corner and I am worried that I may have a made a huge mistake and that I will have left a nice job and flat for some dream that won’t work out.  However, I am not afraid to dip my toe in the water of the vagabond life, test it and come back to ‘normality’ if it is not quite what I expect.  And if I do come back sooner rather than later, then at least I will have tried and I can have no regrets about what might have been.  I have two other friends who are about to set off on their own similar personal adventures this summer, both for very different reasons and I know that both are also experiencing a huge range of emotions.

Now that it is time to pack up the contents of my home, I realise quite how few personal possessions that I actually have.  I moved into this flat three years ago, with not much more than the contents of a couple of suitcases.  Friends and family rallied around and donated much to me and whilst I have also collected a few bits and pieces on my travels, I have consciously not built up much in the way of material goods. Always at the back of my mind has been the desire to move on, but there has also been the memory of what it was like to lose all of my possessions.  I initially believed that my identity was wrapped up in the lifetime of possessions that I ran away from and I actually grieved their loss.  I suspect that people who lose everything in a house fire or a flood must go through those emotions too, but rather than build up another hoard of ‘things’, I have questioned the validity and necessity of each prospective purchase and in the majority of cases I have gone without.

The last few weeks have seen AW getting more and more agitated and attempting to contact me.  He has made no bones about it, he wants to know where I live and he wants to meet up and to ‘talk’.  I did naively think that we could perhaps discuss some matters over the phone, but that was not enough for him.  He was still unable to cope with the fact that he had not set the agenda and that I was moving on – and things escalated to such an extent that I had to once again involve the police.

Whilst it angers me that I still have to consider AW, I may need to be a bit vague about my location in some of my posts.  I am constantly on alert as I walk around my home town, always looking for an escape route and I do NOT want to continue to act in the same way once I have moved away.  Yes I will need to be alert as there will be plenty of other dangers out there but I hope to be able to rid myself of this all-pervading sense of being tracked down.

But that is not the reason why I am leaving.  He has not driven me away but what I have gone through over the last few years has made me stronger and has given me the confidence to give this a go.  I know that some people are a bit worried about my personal safety whilst travelling, but I have lived under threat and I do not feel safe in my home town, so to me, that is the least of my worries.  I worry about missing my friends and family, but will keep in touch and who knows, some of you may even arrange to meet up with me somewhere on my travels


9 Responses to “No more waiting”

  1. Michelle May 30, 2013 at 5:59 am #

    Kudos for doing what you love and being brave enough to do it!!! I wish you all the best and good luck- Keep safe!

    • Scarlet Jones June 2, 2013 at 7:28 am #

      Thank you for your kind comments and best wishes

  2. Selina May 30, 2013 at 7:26 am #

    Good Luck and Best Wishes x

  3. Shell May 30, 2013 at 7:48 am #

    It will be sad to lose a dear colleague but our friendship will always be there wherever you are. You have an amazing pool of strength which you will need for this trip. You also have a beautiful soul & sense of adventure which will make this a spectacular thing to do. Yes there may be a few hard times but i am confident you will have some of the best times of your life doing this & will enjoy it all! Regret is a funny thing & i think you would regret it more if you didnt go ahead. You are also a very intelligent, tenacious lady who will have no problems finding work on your return. You will also never be homelessas you have so many friends who love you very much. Honibunch the world is your lobster tee hee! X

    • Scarlet Jones June 2, 2013 at 7:30 am #

      Thank you Shell. I have received so many messages of support, it is quite humbling and overwhelming, but gives me confidence that I am doing the right thing

  4. A travelling companion G x May 30, 2013 at 8:52 am #

    A very wonderful person. I will miss you loads but I know that you will have an amazing time. Don’t regret the things that you do, just regret the things you don’t do ! You learn by experience and what an experience you will have xxx

    • Scarlet Jones June 2, 2013 at 7:30 am #

      I will miss you too – it would be fantastic if we could meet up somewhere

  5. Philippa Baines June 1, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    I eagerly await your travel updates and blogs filled with positive thoughts, vibes and encounters. I really admire and respect you for taking the bull by the horns and following your dreams. You will have an amazing and life changing experience for the better. You’re already stronger and you are more than ready to take on the world 😉 much love xxx

    • Scarlet Jones June 2, 2013 at 7:31 am #

      Thank you so much for the vote of confidence and support Pip xx

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